I vividly recall being the kid with a lot of follow-up questions. I think I may be the reason my grandmother had little tolerance for my quick rebuttals. I had such a passionate belief that asking for clarification was the way to prove I was listening. Grandmother didn’t quite see it that way. Aside from the cautionary reminder not to talk back, her encouragement was more about wanting me to know when I needed to “figure it out” and when clarification was necessary.

As a result, I learned that when a person gives you information, it’s just as much your responsibility to learn more as it is theirs to be clear… but expecting folks to be clear is unrealistic. When we are presented with an opportunity, expect to have to work for it. Don’t be afraid to go in the bathroom stall and Google or take the time to figure what the right questions to ask might be. It always makes me feel good when I thoughtfully pursue clarification and the person responds with “that’s a great question” or “no one has ever asked that.”

Do the work it takes to be great!

I’m not a huge fan of fiction. I never liked Hotwheels that were not like cars you couldn’t see on the street… But I like Walter. I like good stories about redemption. I like thoughtful writing. I like riches-to-rags-to-riches stories. I like learning. So… I’m giving this book a go. Check out the description.

Book Description
Release date: May 13, 2014
In this scorching, mournful, often explicit, and never less than moving literary novel by the famed creator of the Easy Rawlins series, Debbie Dare, a black porn queen, has to come to terms with her sordid life in the adult entertainment industry after her tomcatting husband dies in a hot tub. Electrocuted. With another woman in there with him. Debbie decides she just isn’t going to “do it anymore.” But executing her exit strategy from the porn world is a wrenching and far from simple process.

Millions of men (and no doubt many women) have watched famed black porn queen Debbie Dare—she of the blond wig and blue contacts-“do it” on television and computer screens every which way with every combination of partners the mind of man can imagine. But one day an unexpected and thunderous onset orgasm catches Debbie unawares, and when she returns to the mansion she shares with her husband, insatiable former porn star and “film producer” Theon Pinkney, she discovers that he’s died in a case of hot tub electrocution, “auditioning” an aspiring “starlet.” Burdened with massive debts that her husband incurred, and which various L.A. heavies want to collect on, Debbie must reckon with a life spent in the peculiar subculture of the pornography industry and her estrangement from her family and the child she had to give up. She’s done with porn, but her options for what might come next include the possibility of suicide. Debbie . . . is a portrait of a ransacked but resilient soul in search of salvation and a cure for grief.
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I am not sure if Maya Angelou said it first but I’m sure she said it. She said, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” As simple of a concept as it seems, it’s the hardest truth to swallow. We tend to want to believe that people have temporary failures that don’t completely define them. We make excuses for people because we choose to isolate certain behaviors.

Ponder this question. What is my real potential for change? Am I fully capable of becoming the opposite of what I am for the sake of those who are dissatisfied with me? What will I do if I change but no one believes me?

So… The challenge? The first change is dealing with how we know we are ready for a change. Let’s commit to thinking through what prompts the urge to change. Is it frustration? Is it the fear of failure? Let’s challenge when we engage Change. Let’s entertain Change intentionally. Let’s schedule it.